Just letting you know I added you, and have read your story and am heartbroken to hear about Ashleigh and Isaac. So deeply wrong, I can't even fathom. We have friends in common, just wanted to let you know I read, I cried, I'm here.
I was a foster care parent once... and was disheartened through the process at how completely bogged down the system was, and how badly it treated most of the people in it on every level. So many foster parents with no clue about teaching children how to have long term attachments. So many caseworkers on autopilot and in "foot drag" mode to the detriment of babies. I had one wee boy in my care for 3 months, and had to fight so hard for things like him getting to see his parents... him having contact with his extended family---and ultimately, the state was foot dragging so bad that it took me basically forcing the issue by threatening to quit being his foster parent to get him permanently placed in a kinship situation with his brothers--they would have left him with me to 18 months and then moved him, I could not reconcile how poorly they understood basic child development that they would rather move a baby at 18 months rather than 3. And that *was* in a case involving drugs, in a case where actual neglect was proven, where the parents didn't do the work or seem to even care about being involved. It took so much fight to do right by that baby, who needed the help, and for the state to foot drag your children to death... so criminal, I can't stand it.
Not to mention that my own housekeeping skills are rudimentary enough that the idea of someone coming into my home and judging my parenting based on how clean things are... the notion is terrifying. If it can happen to you, it can happen to any of us.
My husband is a defense lawyer, he often does PD work for parents caught in the system, and says it seems like no matter what, CPS will always get it wrong. They will never take the children who are really in danger, and will always harass parents who are not dangerous to their children.
Anyway... I'm not going to ask to be added--if you want to add me, I don't mind, but I understand if you are not comfortable. I haven't asked before because I didn't know how you'd feel with someone who'd been on the 'other side' of a foster care situation.
no subject
I was a foster care parent once... and was disheartened through the process at how completely bogged down the system was, and how badly it treated most of the people in it on every level. So many foster parents with no clue about teaching children how to have long term attachments. So many caseworkers on autopilot and in "foot drag" mode to the detriment of babies. I had one wee boy in my care for 3 months, and had to fight so hard for things like him getting to see his parents... him having contact with his extended family---and ultimately, the state was foot dragging so bad that it took me basically forcing the issue by threatening to quit being his foster parent to get him permanently placed in a kinship situation with his brothers--they would have left him with me to 18 months and then moved him, I could not reconcile how poorly they understood basic child development that they would rather move a baby at 18 months rather than 3. And that *was* in a case involving drugs, in a case where actual neglect was proven, where the parents didn't do the work or seem to even care about being involved. It took so much fight to do right by that baby, who needed the help, and for the state to foot drag your children to death... so criminal, I can't stand it.
Not to mention that my own housekeeping skills are rudimentary enough that the idea of someone coming into my home and judging my parenting based on how clean things are... the notion is terrifying. If it can happen to you, it can happen to any of us.
My husband is a defense lawyer, he often does PD work for parents caught in the system, and says it seems like no matter what, CPS will always get it wrong. They will never take the children who are really in danger, and will always harass parents who are not dangerous to their children.
Anyway... I'm not going to ask to be added--if you want to add me, I don't mind, but I understand if you are not comfortable. I haven't asked before because I didn't know how you'd feel with someone who'd been on the 'other side' of a foster care situation.